About the phrase “What didn’t kill me, made me stronger”

We live in the society, where we have to play some sort of role of someone who is successful, travels the world, lives in a mansion, rides Bentley, etc, etc, etc. (Just look at some Instagram accounts).
But like that’s not enough, we also have to beautify our troubles. Yes, our real-life troubles that sometimes break us apart, we beautifully place them in the frame and take a pride by saying things like: “what didn’t kill me, made me stronger”, or “it made me who I am – this smart, enlightened person”, or “it made me a unicorn who can now fart rainbow “…

The whole world wants you to believe that by admitting defeats will make you somehow weak. Well, it’s not true, you are not going to be weak by admitting your defeats!

Yet, we don’t want to accept that the shit that tried to kill us, sometimes actually does kill us! I’m not talking about physical death (even though that might happen too). These troubles might break us apart, they might break our relationship (sometimes forever), sometimes these troubles make us feel that our skin is being ripped off our face without any kind of anesthesia. Sometimes things that didn’t kill us would come so freaking close, that they can damage us really badly and permanently!
And here is what I want to say: You don’t need to be proud of your troubles, you don’t need to beautify them to make someone think that you are not weak. There is no need to explain to anyone how strong you became because of these troubles or how these troubles changed you for good and you became a better person.
And the truth is, that more often than not, we don’t become stronger, we become weaker. And this is ok. This is totally OK.
While I do agree that sometimes troubles transform you for better, but that “better” doesn’t always happen the way that “positive-thinking” “new agers”, “love-and-light” and such gurus tell you! These transformations usually happen in the very painful ways.
But, also these troubles can make you worst. (Surprise!). They can make you bitter, they can make you untrustful, suspicious… And they can make you bleed. And that is OK! Bleed, be untrustful, be suspicious… But don’t try to fit into that ‘beautifying” frame. Don’t try to be a hero, when instead, you need to seclude someplace safe and let yourself heal (and maybe get a professional help).

There is a good example of what I’m trying to say is how some Tarot Card writers/readers describe a card Death. They say something like: “Death is nothing to fear about, it means the one stage of your life ends and another (better) begins. There is nothing bad about Death, it is just a transformation.” When I was younger, I would get upset about such descriptions and would want to yell at these people: “Are you fu$%^&g insane? There is absolutely nothing good about the card Death! The transformation that card Death represents could be unbearably painful! Sometimes even unsurvivable! Yes, it is “change”, but the way that “change” will happen will be so painful that it will make you emotionally bleed (sometimes even physically).

So, whatever didn’t kill us, will not always make us stronger. And that’s perfectly ok. When we admit that, is when the real healing begins.

~ by Rita Digilova, September 2017
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